Mormon, Gay, and Dating

If you believe in the restored gospel and want to apply it in your life as a gay member, then you probably value the law of chastity (especially if you are an endowed member who loves the temple, and you want to do your best to live up to those covenants). So how does a gay LDS member, who wants to be in a relationship with another person of the same sex, keep their covenants and stay in the Church? Is it even possible? Continue reading

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The Fourth Path for Gay Mormons

crossroadIn his nicely-written blog post “I Have Not Chosen to Be Celibate“, Ben Schilaty outlines  the three possible paths that many think are the only options available to gay Mormons:

  1. Find an opposite-sex partner and stay in the Church.
  2. Leave the Church and find a same-sex partner.
  3. Stay in the Church and be celibate.

However, there is a fourth path for gay members, depending on how you define “staying in the Church”. If you can consider “staying in the Church” to include participating in Church meetings and striving to live the gospel of Jesus Christ, even under Church discipline, then you can consider a fourth option of being in a same-sex relationship or marriage. There is a growing number of gay members who want to be married to someone of the same sex AND stay connected to the Church and live the gospel of Jesus Christ to the fullest extent possible (just like anyone else in the Church). Continue reading

Obedience, Freedom, Unrighteous Dominion, Personal Revelation, and Same-Sex Marriage

Faust obediencce leads to freedom

In Gospel Doctrine class last Sunday, we were talking about obedience. The teacher wrote a quote by President Faust on the board, “Obedience leads to true freedom. The more we obey revealed truth, the more we become liberated.” The Church leadership seems obsessed with obedience. I believe President Faust’s comment is true, but I also believe that unquestioning obedience to Church leaders is unhealthy and spiritually damaging, and only fosters unrighteous dominion at all levels of the Church. Continue reading

Finding My Mission As a Gay Mormon

Sense of Mission

My bishop has been a great supporter of me being an authentically gay man who is also active in the Church and our ward. He asked me to write a letter to him explaining my feelings and experiences, and what I have learned that has helped me on my journey to authentically accept who I am as a gay man and find my mission and purpose as a Mormon. Here is what I wrote to him…

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Following the Prophet and Christ’s Prime Injunction to “Love One Another”

Love One Another

“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” (John 13:34)

I spent the holidays this year in Utah, and stayed the whole time with my brother and sister-in-law. Over the two weeks I was there, I had some really great conversations with them. They are very conservative members of the Church and believe in following the prophet with exactness, no matter what, and that we will be blessed if we do so. However, when talking about the plight of gay members in the church, I was surprised at how open minded they were to the idea of the Q15 coming out with a revelation accepting same-sex marriage in the Church. With two more vacancies in the Q15, we are getting closer to this possibility. Continue reading

Is the Church “True” for LGBTQ+ Mormons?

I’m a bit baffled when people bear their testimony and say they “know the Church is true”. The statement that the Church is true is meaningless to me. The Church is an organization. Certainly it is a unique organization, and even very unique compared to other churches, but the Church cannot be any more true than the United Nations is true, or the US Government is true, or McDonald’s Inc. is true, or the Utah County PTA is true. It’s just an organization, and organizations are not true or untrue.

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Suffering and the Doctrinal Dilemma of Same-Sex Orientation

idiva_things_a_person_suffering_anxiety_disorder_wants_friends_to_know_2_1_980x457On my most recent trip to Utah to visit my children who are living there now with their mother, my 17 year old daughter opened up her feelings to me about the divorce. She said she has been really mad at me, but has been trying to get past it. The divorce has been really hard on her, and she has been feeling something is wrong with her because her parents are divorced. She had a lot of questions for me about when I knew I was gay and about when I was dating women as a young single adult and eventually dated and married her mom. She wanted to know, if I knew I was gay, why did I marry her mother in the first place. Continue reading