On the evening of April 6^th, 1986 I sat alone in a dark and empty meetinghouse foyer trembling.

It was an old style church building in a small Illinois town with cold vinyl flooring and a church issued couch. I couldn’t find where the light switches were and as the sun continued to set, the gathering darkness revealed light streaming from under the Bishop’s door.

I fully understood what a pivotal moment this was for me as a 17 year old boy, and although armed with fresh courage from that weekend’s general conference, I was terrified.

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This week we lost five young adults to suicide. Four were LDS. Four were LGBT.  No words can adequately express the sorrow and grief for such loss.

Once isolated by the miles, social media allows our geographically diverse community a gathering place to process, mourn and bear one another’s burdens. Amid our collective support, one simple but profound observation emerged: “Suicide is complex and layered. Always. It is never possible to point to a specific reason.”

Indeed.

Yesterday the Salt Lake Tribune reported that Utah officials admit they are unsure why the youth suicide rate has nearly tripled since 2007.

We may not be able to officially pin point specific reasons, but we are familiar with the wounds.

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Last Monday I was in a restaurant sharing dinner with two of the greatest Mormon LGBT allies that I know. We talked the night away on every subject under the sun concerning the intersection of Mormons and gays. Near the end of the evening the conversation turned more personal and they asked me, “Why do you stay? What motivates you to continue to identify as Mormon?”

Time seemed to stand still as I reflected on my journey in the Mormon Church from child to adult, from in the closet to coming out. I may have been born with homosexuality woven into my genes, but just as intimately woven into my Self was Mormonism. My 47 years on this planet are like no one else’s and so my answer to their question would be like no one else’s.

After taking a few moments to gather my thoughts, this was my answer:

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The latter part of this month I have been greatly affected by the continual data coming to light concerning Mormon youth and young adult LGBT suicide.

I felt extreme pressure and discomfort as a gay teen in the 80s. But I cannot begin to imagine the added pressures to the LGBTQIA+ youth of today in our church in a post policy world. Continue reading →

The question is this:

Which is the wisest course for the Latter-day Saints to pursue—to continue to attempt to practice plural marriage, with the laws of the nation against it and the opposition of sixty millions of people, and at the cost of the confiscation and loss of all the Temples, and the stopping of all the ordinances therein, both for the living and the dead, and the imprisonment of the First Presidency and Twelve and the heads of families in the Church, and the confiscation of personal property of the people (all of which of themselves would stop the practice);

or, after doing and suffering what we have through our adherence to this principle to cease the practice and submit to the law, and through doing so leave the Prophets, Apostles and fathers at home, so that they can instruct the people and attend to the duties of the Church, and also leave the Temples in the hands of the Saints, so that they can attend to the ordinances of the Gospel, both for the living and the dead?

Wilford Woodruff

President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, November 1, 1891

This was a traumatic episode for the Church. Years of teaching and preaching and digging heels in over the revealed religious sexual practice of polygamy almost led to the demise of the church. The Mormon identity was polygamy. And despite our best efforts over a century to scrub away the polygamy, the Mormon brand of polygamy is still embedded in the nation’s psyche despite the generations. Now that’s the kind of brand identity staying power any ad agency would die for.

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We recognize that same-sex marriages are now legal in the United States and some other countries and that people have the right, if they choose, to enter into those, and we understand that. But that is not a right that exists in the Church. That’s the clarification.

With the Supreme Court’s decision in the United States, there was a need for a distinction to be made between what may be legal and what may be the law of the Church and the law of the Lord

Elder D. Todd Christopherson, November 6, 2015

No Kidding.

This is not the first time the church organization has made a distinction concerning the law of the land versus the law of the Lord concerning marriage.

However, the first time this distinction was made it was between what was illegal and what was the law of the church and the law of the Lord.

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 There is a war going on in this world in which our most cherished and basic doctrines are under attack. I am speaking specifically of the doctrine of the family. The sanctity of the home and the essential purposes of the family are being questioned, criticized, and assaulted on every front.

Bonnie L. Oscarson, General Young Women’s President, General Women’s session conference address. March 28, 2015.

This modern day declaration echos an older sentiment penned by Wilford Woodruff in his diary dated December 31, 1886.

“The year 1886 is passed and gone. It has been an important year in the history of the Latter-day Saints Church. It has sent to prison hundreds of leading men of the church and driven into exile the presidency and the 12 apostles and many other leading men all for obeying the celestial law of God and the patriarchal order of marriage.”

It is evident from their words that both Oscarson and Woodruff feel a relentless attack. While both feel at war for the exact same reason: the assault on the doctrine of the family, their definition of the doctrine is completely different.

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