Heartsick

If humanity had a voice she would be singing,

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there’s no one else to blame

(Sia, “Breathe Me“)

I am in mourning. Fifty people are dead who should still be alive, forty-nine of them victims of the other. I wasn’t built to carry this sort of truth. It is awful. It is too much. Continue reading

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The House I am Helping to Build

Last Monday I was in a restaurant sharing dinner with two of the greatest Mormon LGBT allies that I know. We talked the night away on every subject under the sun concerning the intersection of Mormons and gays. Near the end of the evening the conversation turned more personal and they asked me, “Why do you stay? What motivates you to continue to identify as Mormon?”

Time seemed to stand still as I reflected on my journey in the Mormon Church from child to adult, from in the closet to coming out. I may have been born with homosexuality woven into my genes, but just as intimately woven into my Self was Mormonism. My 47 years on this planet are like no one else’s and so my answer to their question would be like no one else’s.

After taking a few moments to gather my thoughts, this was my answer:

Continue reading

No Closet is Bulletproof

WARNING: This blog post will discuss some topics of a personal and sensitive nature (rape, homophobia, abuse, violence, etc). If that disturbs or triggers you, please do not read it.

My name is bijte, and I’m a lesbian.

I have been closeted for a year now.

I came out in 2005 (or rather, was forcibly outed) in my small, rural, conservative town.

In 2006 I was a victim of corrective rape. Continue reading