TW…psychiatric hospitalization, suicidal ideation, self harm, the Temple
My doctor asked me to write down warning signs
I wrote “praying”
And he asked me why
I know I haven’t been to the temple in a while
But I’d know these white walls anywhere
A nurse helps me change into a hospital gown
I think I fell asleep standing up
“Welcome sister, can I see your recommend?”
I sign the consent to treatment form.
“In the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost”
The ER doctor takes his hands off my head and sits next to me
“We’re very lucky you didn’t take enough to hurt yourself, but this is clearly a cry for help.”
I have paid a price you cannot fathom
To claim an authenticity you but freely enjoy.
Lift the hands which hang down and be my rearward.
See me as I press forward.
I am not coming to join you in a great and spacious building
But as a brother and as a sister under the boughs of love.
Be careful claiming God incites your stories
Because poems can be misread
And it is likely that your children will misread them
On loving glass women
And glass gods
On welding your hands
To curved iron rods
On fruit made of sunlight
That burns when you eat
On wars that you fight
With shattered retreats
On grey trees
And grey neighbors
On boundaries of smoke
And holograph lines
On the girl made of starstuff
And the boy forged in coal
On babies held hostage
On shards in your soul
On trauma that's bitter
And trauma that's sweet
On candy nails
And broken feet
Did you not possess me in the beginning;
before your works of old?
Did you not cover me in my mother’s womb?
You are compassionate and merciful;
You do not cast away your people which you foreknew.
Am I not the workmanship of thine own hands?
Did you not form me in your glory?
Have you not chosen me,
by sanctifying me as I came forth from the womb? Continue reading
You are the silent sin of Sodom.
You and your polished granite stone.
You guide the strings of a marionette,
and believe you have no sins for which to atone.
I’m sitting here in this frigid cold,
looking in beyond the glass.
Where is this sword and shield,
to protect me from those who harass? Continue reading