If humanity had a voice she would be singing,
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there’s no one else to blame(Sia, “Breathe Me“)
I am in mourning. Fifty people are dead who should still be alive, forty-nine of them victims of the other. I wasn’t built to carry this sort of truth. It is awful. It is too much. Continue reading
Last Monday I was in a restaurant sharing dinner with two of the greatest Mormon LGBT allies that I know. We talked the night away on every subject under the sun concerning the intersection of Mormons and gays. Near the end of the evening the conversation turned more personal and they asked me, “Why do you stay? What motivates you to continue to identify as Mormon?”
Time seemed to stand still as I reflected on my journey in the Mormon Church from child to adult, from in the closet to coming out. I may have been born with homosexuality woven into my genes, but just as intimately woven into my Self was Mormonism. My 47 years on this planet are like no one else’s and so my answer to their question would be like no one else’s.
After taking a few moments to gather my thoughts, this was my answer:
WARNING: This blog post will discuss some topics of a personal and sensitive nature (rape, homophobia, abuse, violence, etc). If that disturbs or triggers you, please do not read it.
My name is bijte, and I’m a lesbian.
I have been closeted for a year now.
I came out in 2005 (or rather, was forcibly outed) in my small, rural, conservative town.
In 2006 I was a victim of corrective rape. Continue reading
I spent last weekend at the Affirmation leadership retreat in Independence, Missouri. During our closing devotional, I shared some remarks that I didn’t record and can’t precisely recall. I do remember, at least, that I shared these three literary gems that hold meaning for me. I share them hoping the same for you. Continue reading
As a Mormon who acts and believes perhaps on the fringe of what is socially acceptable to be or act Mormon, I am often faced with remarks or questions like, “But don’t you believe that we are led by prophets and apostles?” OR “I believe that the Brethren aren’t out to get anyone, so what comes from them must be good.” OR “We’ve been promised that the prophets will never lead us astray. So I think we’d all do well to remember that.”
However, strikingly absent from this discussion is the fallibility of man, even our prophet and apostles. (For a thorough and conservative discussion of this, see this FAIR Mormon’s report on it.) This creates an important question: in what ways are the leaders of the church fallible? And while I’d love to write about this question, I’ll save that for a later date or for someone else. But, I’ll write a quick blurb on what I think is going on before getting to the topic of progressive Mormonism.
Continue reading
This morning Tyler Glenn released a music video (link below) for a song called “Trash.” The video symbolically, and somewhat graphically, condemns the Mormon church and its founder Joseph Smith. I don’t believe the song refers explicitly to the church’s policy for same-sex couples, but that policy is undoubtedly bundled up in his evident anger. These are my thoughts on the video. They are intended for a Mormon audience. Continue reading
If 5% of the world is gay, as some studies estimate, there are approximately 750,000 gay Mormons (I know, that’s probably way off). This is an authoritative list of the things that all 750,000 of us like, with no exceptions. Disagree? Comment below and tell me what I got wrong!
I spent several days last week with my dad. He was visiting from another part of the country and we decided to see some classic Bay Area sites. One day we hiked Russian Ridge, a small preserve high in the hills of the Peninsula that provides a view of the Bay on one side and the ocean-chasing hills on the other. Another day we biked around Golden Gate park, where we toured the art museum and Japanese tea garden and saw the most random family of bison surrounded by chain-linked fences.
Over those few days, we talked about many things, and as usual we dabbled in ideas about the Mormon church, faith, and life. By now we are rarely surprised when we disagree, but in general we agree about a lot of things. One thing that we both seem to agree on is that life was not meant to be straightforward. Whatever we are to do, and however we are to live, much of the value of the life experience would be lost if it were not confusing. Continue reading
During the last couple of months, we’ve had a number of specific responses to what I am going to call the “gay question” by three apostles: Elders Nelson, Bednar, and, most recently, Holland. All three have been prompted by either individual members or a growing voice of discontent, rightfully so, to specifically address the LGBTQ+ population in the church (although, this is usually framed as “same-sex attraction” or something more watered down). While Nelson’s talk, which framed the recent policy towards same-sex marriage as the will of the Lord merits discussion, I will be focusing on the responses of the Elders Bednar and Holland. Continue reading
Last weekend was the 186th Semi-Annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a time when Mormons around the world assemble in chapels, stake centers, and living rooms for 8 hours (or 10 if you are a Priesthood holder) of spiritual instruction and revelation from our leaders. We’re told that the words spoken within the Conference Center and broadcast around the globe via satellite are the will of our loving Heavenly Father- the scriptures of a modern age- and Latter-day Saints eagerly await each April and October session, hungry for new spiritual insight.
This is often a joyful and exciting time for Mormons as they gather with their friends and families, cook large post-Conference meals, and excitedly speculate on new temple announcements and doctrinal changes. For weeks afterwards Mormon social media accounts are flooded with quotes, videos, and even Conference related memes to capitalize on the fresh spiritual momentum that comes with hearing the Apostles and General Authorities reveal God’s plans for His people.
It’s a little different if you’re a LGBT Mormon, however. Continue reading
Out of Obscurity 