I know many people who are both faithful believers and empathetic friends to gay Mormons. They see the complexity of the decisions their friends face and wish it were easier. Many of them even understand their gay friends’ lives could be happier, more stable, and even more fulfilling if they were permitted to seek same-sex relationships with the blessing of the Church. But their faith, founded upon real spiritual experiences, leads them to support the Church in its current policies and teachings.

I’m thinking of each of you. Continue reading →

By now it seems virtually certain to me that the Mormon Church will eventually bless same-sex romantic relationships. Not everyone agrees, and that’s ok, but for me the “if” question has passed. The “when” and the “how” questions still loom large, but the “what then” question is the one currently poking at me. Continue reading →

This last Sunday, I was fortunate to hop on the train to church with a good friend of mine in the ward. As happens with us, the conversation turned to questions of the LDS Church and experiences of people living on the margins. This conversation happened to revolve around our shared disdain towards “Single-Adult” (SA) wards or even “Young Single-Adult” YSA wards. [That subject alone can fill the pages of many a blog post.]

My friend discussed how the Church doesn’t know what to do with single members and puts them in SA wards as if it was a forgotten backroom storage unit. And whether or not you agree with that designation, it made me think:

It’s become the norm in the church to relegate anything undesirable to this amorphous thing called “culture”. As a sociologist, I recognize how awfully nondescript this term can be. A fun project for the future might be analyzing how Mormons use culture and what they think it means. However, I might take a stab at what it might be (although this is notably premature as I have done nothing analytical to arrive at this conclusion-it’s simply a hunch). Continue reading →

The dangers I speak of come from the gay-lesbian movement, the feminist movement (both of which are relatively new), and the ever-present challenge from the so-called scholars or intellectuals. Our local leaders must deal with all three of them with ever-increasing frequency. In each case, the members who are hurting have the conviction that the Church somehow is doing something wrong to members or that the Church is not doing enough for them.

Boyd K. Packer, May 18th 1993

It has been 24 years since Boyd K. Packer identified his three dangers of the church. Today we are beyond an “ever increasing frequency” of those who are hurting. We are witnessing a Niagara Falls of those who are hurting and it is morally unfair to villainize gays, women, and intellectuals as the cause.

The time is now to stop blaming the wounded and the weary. Continue reading →

On my most recent trip to Utah to visit my children who are living there now with their mother, my 17 year old daughter opened up her feelings to me about the divorce. She said she has been really mad at me, but has been trying to get past it. The divorce has been really hard on her, and she has been feeling something is wrong with her because her parents are divorced. She had a lot of questions for me about when I knew I was gay and about when I was dating women as a young single adult and eventually dated and married her mom. She wanted to know, if I knew I was gay, why did I marry her mother in the first place. Continue reading →

“In your wisest and in your most confused, be friendly toward yourself.”  -Pema Chodron

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I wrote a suicide note in my mind tonight. I’m not in danger. I just need to speak it, as part of my own safety system. I talk about it when it comes up. That’s my commitment. No silence. No secrecy. No isolation.  Continue reading →

And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called a house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.

St. Matthew 21:12-13

During the Feast of the Passover, Jews came to the temple in Jerusalem from every corner of civilization to offer sacrifice as commanded by the law of Moses. (Deuteronomy 16:16)

Normally the business of money changing and buying of sacrificial animals took place in the Royal Stoa above the southern wall. However, because of the sheer number of people coming to offer sacrifice during the high holidays, such as the Passover when Jesus visited the temple, the market would spill over from the Royal Stoa into the holy area. It was because of this that Jesus observed His Father’s house had become a house of merchandise. (John 2:16) Continue reading →

It has been record setting hot in Arizona this past week. Pictures flooded the internet of street signs melting and eggs frying on the sidewalk. This also happened to be the week my daughter was married.

The Monday before her wedding, she sent me a text:

“Just so you know, we are having a barbecue Friday night for all the family and friends who came into town… It’s at 6:45 at our house if you and your family want to come.”

Continue reading →

On Thursday the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints announced that it was eliminating the Boy Scouts of America’s Varsity and Venturing programs for all young men ages 14-17 in the United States and Canada. Many observers of Scouting anticipate that this is a prelude to a complete disassociation from the BSA in the coming years. Some believe that this announcement is a non-issue because the Varsity and Venturing programs were already in shambles, so this was just a formal acknowledgement of this reality.

Regardless of the reasons, this announcement (suspiciously given just days before Mother’s Day) has major implications for the women of the church. Continue reading →

The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost; for none now live who remember it.

Galadriel, “The Lord of the Rings”

I still remember my very first pep rally as a freshman at Orem High in 1982.

In the middle of the day the entire school emptied into the gym where we assembled together in the bleachers by graduating class. Suddenly at the cue of the cheerleaders the senior class started chanting to the drums, “Eighty three! Eighty three! Eighty, eighty, eighty, eighty, eighty three!” Then they pointed to the next class who followed even louder, “Eighty four! Eighty four! Eighty, eighty, eighty, eighty, eighty four!”

The excitement was contagious and we realized as freshman we would soon get a chance to show our class pride. As we yelled our ‘86 chant as loud as we could the gym erupted into laughter. We were freshmen and our voices were still high and almost childlike compared to the others. But we didn’t care!

The classes continued round and around each chanting their graduating class year. Each time we shouted even louder until at last the Orem High tiger mascot finally pointed to the winning class who showed the most spirit. It was here I learned to be proud to be Class of ’86!

Continue reading →